The Simple Plot of Kingdom Hearts
Audio only from Kingdom Hearts
2019
| 3 minutes | Last update : 2021-1-13 0:18:44 |
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- Ugh...
- Hello,
- and welcome to what I pray is the final episode of
- Talking Video Games
- Don't,
- don’t clap for their asses
- Today our topic, like always,
- is games with simple plots
- Hi, I'm Sora from Kingdom Hea-
- No!
- You shut your mouth!
- I'm starting with our other guests first!
- Guests, please tell us your name and the simple plot of your game
- Hey, I’m the capsule from Arkanoid,
- as far as I can tell, I'm a tube,
- and a ball bounces off me
- I'm Ms. Pac-Man!
- I'm Pac-Man with a bow!
- Okay, Sora, did you see how it's done?
- Tell me the plot of your game,
- real simple, just like that
- You got it! Cue the music!
- No, don't cue the music!
- Kairi washes up on the shore
- Completely unaware of what the heck is in store
- Then Destiny Islands blows up from the war
- Of the heartless little evil guys that run on all fours
- I'm already lost, who are these people and places?
- I'll tell you later, buddy, I’m already off to the races
- I’m now in Traverse Town, with Goofy and Donald Duck
- From the Disney movies?
- Yes!
- What exactly the fuck?
- I'm a Keyblade wielder and they need my ability
- Sealing keyholes of worlds, restoring all the tranquility
- This is not making sense
- It’s a little hard to follow
- Everything will come together in the Bastion of Hollow
- Let me get this straight,
- it's Mickey Mouse and you
- Nope
- With all your Heartless friends
- defending all that's true
- Wrong
- Now it is your destiny to cut up a bunch of keys
- 'Cause this is Final Fantasy!
- Not even close!
- So I’m looking for Riku while I'm out on my quest
- Do I know him?
- He's my best friend!
- Hashtag blessed
- Well, actually, he's evil, it was just a facade
- Now he's my arch enemy
- Oh my fucking god!
- Now we are traveling to Hollow Bastion we go
- Run into Riku, oh no!
- Possessed by Ansem and so
- He's after Princess Kairi
- And then I really try to be
- A hero so I die to free
- Her heart that's deep inside of me
- Tell me why Ansem even wants Kairi
- Why is the princess human if a mouse is king?
- Are you some kind of buccaneer?
- If you died, how are you here?
- Please kill me with the nearest spear!
- Oh, I'll clear it up
- So I turned into a Heartless, then brought back by Kairi's power
- We escaped to the end of the world, a place that's really dour
- Ansem followed us there 'cause his plan finally starts to flower
- As Kingdom Hearts appears making every person quake and cower
- What is Kingdom Hearts?
- It's a door and also a moon
- But there's another one, and it's a moon, but not like the first moon
- Anyway, Ansem thinks that Kingdom Hearts has tons of bad stuff
- But it opens and he melts from all the goodness
- That's tough!
- Then we find out it's a doorway venting evil fast
- But it was filled with light and stuff
- It's better not to ask
- Me and Mickey Mouse sealed up the door from both sides with our keys
- And that's the basic premise of my game! No questions, please!
- My god, this plot is all that I can take
- I want to cry and jerk off into some pancakes
- But I must swallow all the hate
- I give up this is my fate
- As host of Talking Video Games
- The ratings are in... the show's cancelled
- Tits! Fuck yes!
- I mean... no!
- Oh no!
