The Simple Plot of Final Fantasy 7
Music Video from Final Fantasy VII
2013
2 minutes 48 seconds
Created : 1/9/2021, 8:48:06 PM
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Karaoke created by
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- Hello, and welcome to "Talking Video Games."
- Today's subject is "Games with Simple Plots."
- I'd like to welcome our guests.
- Would each of you please say who you are,
- and give a brief summary of the plot of your game?
- YES HELLO MY NAME IS PAC-MAN, I EAT DOTS AND FRUIT.
- My name is Donkey Kong,
- I throw barrels at a guy.
- Hi, I'm Cloud Strife from Final Fantasy VII.
- My game's plot is pretty simple.
- It goes like this...
- I was a mercenary working for the AVALANCHE gang
- Awesome eco-terrorists who you'd pro'bly wanna bang
- I got trapped in a reactor shortly after my last raid
- And got shot into a slum,
- where I could have gotten "squaids."
- That's squirrel AIDS, for anyone who's wondering at home
- Anyway, I met a girl inside the Midgar zone
- Her name was Aerith and I soon became her bodyguard
- She knew how to work a staff,
- and she made my body hard
- Okay Cloud, this is getting complex
- So we're gonna move on to one of our other guests
- I knew that Aerith was a Cetra
- ...excuse me, I was singing
- She could lead us to a Promised Land
- where energy was springing
- I went to rescue her,
- but I was captured and detained
- There I met Red XIII,
- ...Um
- a talking lion with a mane
- Cloud...
- The president of Shinra was shot by Sephiroth
- A super-evil JENOVA-style monster clone jerkoff
- Hey!
- We learned about JENOVA,
- got our things and then departed
- Wait, I'm totally confused
- I haven't even gotten started
- We met Cait Sith,
- as well as Vincent, Cid, and Yuffie
- We had gotten very tired,
- and my balls were kinda poofy
- So Aerith let us rest,
- her tired ass continued on
- Until Sephiroth killed her,
- and then she turned into a swan
- What?!
- Wait! That didn't happen.
- Sorry, let me get rebooted
- This is sort of where the plot gets a little convoluted
- An earthquake happened,
- then it started snowing like December
- Then some other shit went down that I don't seem to remember
- You're using up the whole show,
- Cloud, please take a rest
- So let's hear from one of our many other fine guests
- Q*bert, what's your game about?
- I jump on blocks!
- And you, Asteroids ship?
- I blow up rocks.
- Back to my story, Sephiroth was casting spells
- To make a giant Meteor, and blow Gaia to hell
- Wait, zat doesn't make sense,
- how on earth would you know...?
- Shut your stupid French mouth
- No-one asked you, Glass Joe! GOD!
- I'm so sorry
- I'm gonna cut your story short
- Your plot is way too friggin' crazy, and we've got
- One more guest we need to meet
- And here he is now!
- Hi, my name is Frogger
- and I try to cross the street!
- Fuck you, Frogger!
- I killed Hojo and went to the planet's core
- Sit down, Ninja Gaiden!
- I'm not done, you stupid whore!
- We defeated Sephiroth,
- who was now in god-like form
- And cast a Holy spell to stop the asteroid storm
- The Lifestream stopped the Meteor,
- the whole planet was saved
- After hearing that plot, I think I have to go shave
- You got somethin' to say, Dig Dug?!
- You wanna fucking go-
- wait why's this hose in my ass
- OH JESUS GOD NO!!!
